I wonder if some people are actually hating me at this very moment?
I know I’m hating a bunch of people at this very moment.
But it’s just weird because I feel like there are people whom I’ve never met before who are hating or are getting irritated with me at this very moment.
It’s a weird feeling.
It’s like you’re stepping inside a battlefield without knowing how you got there. You don’t even want to believe that this chaotic land is a battlefield. You were hoping for green meadows filled with flowers but what you got is this bloody war.
Maybe it’s not that bad.
After all, I haven’t done anything wrong as far as I can tell.
I had a huge crush, fell in love, tested the waters, had a great time, got extremely lucky, and fell in love deeper and deeper and deeper.
That’s all that happened.
It’s also necessary to point out that this is not her fault. What was wrong in her decision? What is wrong with deciding to end something that doesn’t bring her happiness anymore? Are people supposed to torture themselves for the rest of their lives just because something is so convenient for other people? Are we so sadistic to refuse to understand that the heart changes and love is fleeting?
I imagine that if some people are hating me right now, it’s probably because they think I stole something, which is not true. People don’t get stolen. You see, they have brains and hearts of their own. They decide whether to go from here to there or to stay. I didn’t steal anything. Someone reached out to me and I was so glad to hold her hand.
It’s also possible that people think I’m too lucky. They’re probably jealous, envious, nauseous of me. Well, to put it plainly, I really don’t care. As far as I’m concerned, I’m in love and I do everything to keep my love beside me.
I heard that I was described as a “test.” That gets to me because it’s like geniuses suddenly proclaimed that all of my actions, thoughts and feelings up to now were nothing but a single cliche word to them — test. That makes me feel like a statistic in a table of averages.
Well, tell you what: the more you encapsulate me with labels and formulas, the more I’ll tear down the walls and prove this can be done. I won’t succumb to assumptions and predictions lapped up by people who know nothing about how I feel. I’ll be the remainder in the equation – unexplainable, indivisible.
Big words, you think?
Wait ’til you see the actions.
And if ever I turn out to be a test after all, then I’ll make sure that I’ll be the biggest test people would have to confront. I’ll leave permanent marks, immortal memories.