Lit three sticks of cigarettes and I quit. You can call me a p*ssy for it but that’s that.
Just before work was over yesterday, She and I had a little “psychological battle” again, so just to breathe new life to these psychological battles, I tried to do something I’ve never done before.
I’ve never smoked a whole stick of cigarette before because I can’t endure the cough that always goes with it. I sometimes even think that smokers must be really stupid to like something that bad. I mean, yes, smoking looks cool and all, but the stuff feels like hell initially. Why bother to push yourself to like it? Of course, there are people who’ve liked cigarettes from the start and who miraculously don’t cough their lungs out when they blow that nasty stick, but I’m not one of them.
How to Smoke a Cigarette Like a Cool Dude
I was really excited at first, even to the point of being jittery. I was a little scared, but more excited than anything else. The excitement itself pushed our issue of the day to the back of my mind.
She guided me all throughout the training session. BI or not, it’s what I wanted so it doesn’t matter. I casually picked up the white and green stick and gently tapped its closed end on the table and on my thumbnail. Yeah, I know the drill. Smokers supposedly do this to compress the contents of the cigarette. Tap, tap, tap — I already felt cool and laid-back just tapping that little devil like a clever man of the world.
Taking a deep breath, I inserted the stick between my lips and lit my first stick with her lighter. It didn’t light up instantly. Apparently, I was going about it the wrong way. She said I was supposed to huff it as soon as the fire touched the stick’s end. OK, I got it. I did it and the embers glowed a bright orange.
Surprisingly, I wasn’t coughing. I thought I had it all figured out but she said I wasn’t inhaling enough of the smoke. She said I should just allow the smoke to fill my throat and then puff it out. More experienced smokers would let the smoke all the way through their lungs, but that’s already advanced stuff. I just have to huff enough to puff enough to do it right.
When I finally learned the proper technique, my lungs were already violently rejecting the stuff out. It’s not yet time to back off, however. My issue wasn’t still gone. I was gonna learn this universal vice whatever happens.
Results of the Experiment
A few minutes before I felt it, she told me that I should feel a kind of dizziness. All smokers she’d talked to felt dizzy the first time they smoked. When it hit me, I realized it was not so much a dizziness but a real high. I got high from huffing and puffing for the first time in my life.
Awful. All my spunk was gone after a few minutes. I thought the world started to turn a little bit too slowly even while my heartbeat seemed a little too fast. Things around me were losing color fast, like an oil painting smudged by gasoline. As I felt this substance-induced depression creeping over me, I decided not to light a fourth stick.
I tried to relay to her what I felt during that moment. I said that it’s weird that it felt so wrong. Creepy, but I said it was like having sex for the first time. Now I realize it’s nothing like sex for the first time. It’s hell of a lot worse than that. I told her something precious was definitely lost. She said it was innocence. That was cliche but maybe she’s right. However, I think it’s something more than that. My happiness was really being carried away by the smoke and I felt cold and indifferent to the world.
The effect was so bad that I only fully recovered from it once we had already gotten off the train and walked through the mall. I felt so strange that I said she just felt like a sister to me at that moment. The night also was too sad, too poetic even. If my thoughts were lines of a poem last night, I would have written the saddest lines like that overly romantic poet she reads.
I Get it But NO
OK, I get it. Cigarettes relax the body and the mind so smokers can ponder the world more freely. I can imagine myself getting used to these little white monsters, increasing my tolerance, and getting addicted to the relaxing effect. However, after my first try, I choose not to.
The sticks were minty but they were also bitter. Inhaling and blowing the smoke was a mildly interesting activity but I’ve always had my chewing gum. Holding a burning cigarette stick between my fingers looked rebellious and all but the smell was revolting. The vice was cool but I don’t need it.
Plus, it killed my sexual appetite. What the f*ck will I get from that?
And so I’m done with smoking. I forgot to mention it also kills you, but there you go. Remembering all of that just now, I can’t help but be reminded again that smokers must be really stupid to like something that bad.
Drink beer, folks. It makes you happy, which is more useful to me.