We are joined today by our friend, The Cockroach. We found him lurking in the gutters in front of our home, mumbling to himself. We’ve not talked to him for a long time, so we wanna know what’s keeping him busy.
FYI: The Cockroach is a nonhuman existence that mostly hates everything about the world. Thus, he says in his blog, “I’m not human, so I can speak of whatever I want.”
M – moonwalkerwiz
TC – The Cockroach
M: So Cockroach, I see you still have your shiny wings, thin legs, long antennae —
TC: Ugly face, stinky body, scary pincers, toxic breath, evil heart —
M: Yeah —
TC: — poor health, angry countenance, condemning eyes, condemning wisdom, destructive hatred of humanity!!!
M: Yes. Uh-huh. So I guess you pretty much hate me right now?
TC: What do you think? You’re a stinkin’ human trying to be fragrant.
M: And what gives you that idea?
TC: Look at you, you wretched piece of crap. Your skin is as white as snow. Looks like you’re sucking society’s ideals now.
M: What do you mean “now?” I generally have always liked society’s ideals.
TC: Oh, you lying buffoon. Drop the pretense now! You? Liked society’s ideals? Since when? Since you lost your god? You must know that once you lose your god, you lose everything, including society’s ideals. At least, that’s supposedly what happens when you’re sincere in losing your god.
M: OK, I’ll admit that you know me a great deal. Still, you can’t say for sure that I’ve always hated society’s ideals. When I was young —
TC: DON’T GIVE ME THAT BULLSHIT. Everyone’s innocent when they’re young. But you… I know you. You’re a dark soul through and through.
M: I’m not. I like society. I like the fact that it aims for higher things, like morals, heaven, order, love —
TC: (Laughs with his wings flapping, sending foul-smelling air to every corner of the room).
M: Why? Why are you laughing?
TC: Love, that bogus motherf*cking L word. It’s blinded you to who you really are. You tasted love, and immediately, you found nothing wrong with the world — nothing wrong with society. Every damn being looks innocent, every child looks carefree. The planet is a vase full of flowers and butterflies. F*ck that. You knew better before, didn’t you? You knew better before because you had that other L word. That word which is much truer than love.
M: You mean… loneliness?
TC: That’s it, douchebag. Loneliness. Loneliness should be the only L word that people know. It is the only L word that corrects people’s disgusting perception of reality.
M: Explain, please.
TC: OK, let me refresh your rusty mind. The modern world is a product of historical blunders. Today’s ideals are a product of liberalism and democratic hypocrisy which sprouted after the Second World War. Tyranny, uniformity, higher ideals of the union of the individual with the community, and every other type of ideal have been swept under the rug of modernity to give way to this Christian American morality full of falsehood and irony.
M: (Sniggers) Cockroach, you sound like you’re delirious.
TC: It’s the only way to speak to dumb motherf*ckers like you who can only think of the basest, cheapest things to say.
M: That’s rude but I’ll forgive you because you’re The Cockroach and that’s naturally how you speak.
TC: See? I just called you a dumb motherf*cker and you didn’t even do anything. You don’t have balls you fag.
TC: What’s with you, people? You’ve lost your claws and your fangs. All you think about are the nice things in life. Your heads are swimming in an illusion of friendliness and righteousness. Look around, dumbass. The world is far from being righteous. It’s so murky with pretentiousness and double standards that I vomit in the sewers every time I think of it. Tell me, moonwalkerwiz, what happened to you?
TC: Oh, really? What’s in the hammock?
M: A baby.
TC: Your baby?
M: My sister’s. None of your business.
TC: Where’s the father? Heard the sick little creature doesn’t hav —
M: F*CK YOU! None of your business! Get to your point!
TC: There we go! There we go! I see anger in you. That’s good. I see the familiar converged eyebrows, that’s good. I know that you only need to be reminded of things, the dark side of things.
TC: That baby may be doomed. Your mother may be doomed. Everyone around you may be doomed. You may be doomed. But you don’t care, don’t you? Heard you’re a romantic hero shinier than Shaider. You’d burn yourself first before anyone even sniffs the smoke of hell.
M: That’s not the case. I just love these people.
TC: Oh? Do you, really? Or are you trying to save yourself from shame? Isn’t all of this sacrifice just so you can clean your hands afterwards and say, “I’ve done my job?”
M: Bullshit! That’s not true, you lying bastard!
TC: It’s not the only truth, I’ll admit that. I doubt though that what I said was not even partly true. All human beings, including yourself, are mostly living for selfish reasons. You creatures think that you’re living saintly for your loved ones but you’re just trying to lick your own p*ssies and d*cks.
M: So what’s your point?
TC: My point is that, all around you, armageddon is unfolding but you’re dreaming in the night of daisies and water lilies.
M: You’re too elaborate. Just say that you’re describing the global recession.
TC: Ah, but I’m not just talking about the global recession. What do you think I am — a simple economist? I’m The Cockroach. My knowledge is not restricted by silly human disciplines.
M: So what the hell are you talking about?
TC: Armageddon. I’m talking about Armageddon. It’s a combination of consequences that follow from the logical development of events. The ingredients for doomsday are all there but you ignored them for the kisses and hugs, the alcohol of the moment.
Moonwalkerwiz, you’re a human being knee-deep in poverty. You fail to save one month and the hand of the doomsday clock subtly moves to midnight. Look at you. You’ve failed spectacularly at lifting your family up. Now you’re jobless, a worthless piece of scum.
But you played with fire, didn’t you? Thought yourself a James Bond? Ah, how you thought you could juggle responsibilities and romance like an expert circus performer. Human, you can’t be two creatures at once. You can’t be a poor guy and an organic ATM machine at once; a gloomy intellectual and a friendly friend at once; a family man and a cassanova at once. You can’t be at the two ends of the spectrum at the same time.
M: I only wanted to be happy.
TC: So you did. Happiness is a funny thing. Every human pursues it at all costs, turning their backs away from the real things that have to be dealt with. The present is enjoyed at the cost of the past and the future. You put everything into happiness, did you not?
M: Yes, I put everything…
TC: Everything. Everything. Everything. Because you were lonely before. Because you had another L word with you. Because god was not around you. You were tired of doing everything right for other people. You were exhausted of skinning yourself alive for Nietzsche’s higher ideals. Revolted with Marx and his preoccupation with things that don’t matter to couples you watch enviously on Valentine’s Day.
So when the opportunity came, you gave too much away.
M: She… hates me.
TC: How could she not? You’re pathetic, human. You’re a dried existence from the sewers who, when opportunity came his way and blew a soft breeze, devoured it drooling all over the place. She saw through you a long time ago. She knows you’ll do enough and then you’ll go too far. She’s an expert in that other L word you hardly knew about before.
M: I only wanted to be there for her and to make everything right.
TC: Poor f*cker. Your old-fashioned romantic ideas don’t have a place in the modern world. I advice you to go to a porn site and jack off right away. This have cured you before. It will cure you now.
M: You say my romantic ideas don’t have a place in this world, but it’s through them that I got her in the first place.
TC: Yes. Women love gentle motherf*ckers like you — initially. But women, especially modern women, are addicted to destruction and abandonment. They see the world for its true nature. They know that this is a man’s world and the only right, nay, cool way to live is to live like a modern man. They dream of hitting and leaving their man behind. Power is everywhere. Everyone wants power, especially women. They wanna be scarred so they could scar others. Real love for them is not the shiny love you offer. They want adventure, heartache, physical pain! They’ll deny it to your face but deep in their hearts, they’re begging for it. Your notion of love is inappropriate for this world. Women would want cigarettes more than your love.
M: Women are not like that. She’s not like that. I just got too paranoid of her leaving. I won’t make the same mistake again. And my love? My love’s not free of pain. F*ck, my love is painful. It hurts us both. This has nothing to do with your overgeneralizations of women, power, and how society works. This is just me and her coming to a critical point in our relationship.
TC: Oohh! You realize that’s the longest you’ve spoken today? Looks like you’re quite a bit touchy with your definition of love and this woman.
M: Yes, I am. Don’t judge her and don’t judge me. You know nothing about our lives. You’re just a creepy creature that crawls the shadows of the sewers. You can’t understand what’s happening.
TC: Oh, yes I —
M: NO, YOU CAN’T. See, you’re right. I know loneliness. I know that other L word. I know what it’s like to live without actually living. But that is precisely the reason why I’m better than others in this thing. I’ve been down there and I never wanna go back there. And if I ever do go back down there in the future, I’ll make sure that I’ll be missed.
TC: You’ll be missed? Why is that?
M: Because despite the craziness of my ways, the absurd lengths I go to to preserve what I have, I am proud of myself and how I acted. I know that a lesser man couldn’t have handled this better. I indoctrinated her as she indoctrinated me. It was not a one-way process. It IS not a one-way process. I look defeated now but I’ve won many battles. I’ve shaped her life as she shaped mine. Therefore, I’ll be missed.
TC: So that’s all you wanted from the start? To be missed?
M: No, like I said, I wanted to be happy. However, if things don’t go my way and I’m led to the sewers again, then I’ll be contented to be missed.
TC: Shaider until the last second, are you?
M: Yup. And as for society’s crass ideals that you so strongly hate, if not for them, I’ll be completely dead by now. We’ll be completely dead by now. What you don’t understand is that people cannot live by thinking of the darkness of the world. People seek the light, the sun. People work for happiness, and people have always worked for happiness. Happiness guides them to the things they do. I worked for happiness even before I met her and I still work for happiness now that I’m with her. The only difference is that I now have more happiness than before. I also know that my family is happy for me. I could see it in their eyes.
This global recession is but another obstacle to me. I’ll cross it and be done with it in a jiffy. How can I do that? Because I’m a human and I always strive for higher things, brighter things in life. I am unlike you. I’m not a creature who stands to lose nothing. I probably can’t speak of everything in my mind, unlike you, but I have friends who tame my ego. I don’t let it loose and let it consume myself, unlike you. I don’t bring other people down just because I suffer.
I’m a human, not a cockroach.
TC: (Wears a distorted smile) Very well, moonwalkerwiz, seems you have indeed changed. I cannot confide in you anymore. You and me are now at the opposite ends of life.
M: Yeah. It’s over between the two of us.
TC: Last question, do you really think you can erase our friendship?
M: No. I’m not as dumb as you think. I’ll wake up every morning with a fresh drive to accomplish my plans, but even then…even then, I know every human has a tiny cockroach in their heart.