Some Kind of Freedom


Who cares what others think about how we think, how we speak? Why must we play along with this web of rules and standards they have set upon themselves? Why must we feel pressured for the correctness, righteousness or validity of what we have to say? Why must we tremble in our own bedrooms, afraid of their cold vengeance? Can’t we shout “We’re not part of it! I’m not part of it! I refuse to be defined by it!” Have we really been plugged into this monstrous machine of dreams and sleepwalking since the day our unknowing mothers set us free in this shackled world? Isn’t there a means for an uncontroversial escape? Is there a way to live without agreeing to the term “responsibility?” — therefore, without agreeing to any “term” at all?

——————–

Yesterday, I saw two boys lying on the steps of a footbridge. They can’t be older than 7. They were fighting because the younger boy seemed to take up the space of the older one. All the while, we were passing before their sleeping space as hundreds of vehicles disturbed the dust on the paved roads underneath.

——————-

You’re not good. You can’t be. Jesus was good. He gave everything away, left none for himself who had turned into a despicable piece of flesh. So you can’t be good.

——————-

When I was a kid, I loved playing with action figures. I had my GI Joes, Batman, He-Man, Wolverine, and a bunch of stuffed animals all with personalities of their own. A brown stuffed horse was wise, a stuffed gorilla was always angry; the GI Joes were always on a mission to defeat Cobra’s soldiers; Wolverine was the brave leader; Batman was in love with my sister’s blonde Barbie. He was a silent romantic, a brooding lover boy wearing a black cape. And every day, these characters were running in a thick jungle, chased by colorful and primitive tribesmen armed with bows and arrows; or they were warping themselves into different dimensions and unknown barren lands surrounded by towering mountains. The good guys loved each other and the bad guys, I must say, were endlessly creative with their plots to take over the world of our backyard. But these people — I consider them dead now. Sometimes when I remember them, I’d have this feeling that they are now in the afterlife, continuing their eternal adventures there. And then I’d blink and look away from it all and realize I’m in a coffee shop on a Saturday afternoon, watching my girlfriend blow smoke into the air.

——————–

I want to write just because a blank space needs to be filled up.

——————–

A song played. It’s a familiar one. I’m buying a new MP3 player.

“On A High” – Duncan Sheik

I’m on a high, I’m on a high
there’s nothing more to it.
We are the sea and the sky
and the blue that runs through it, yeah.

and there are some who say there are so many things I need
so I run or I fight and I crawl or I scream and I bleed
I bleed, I bleed

well, it’s a lie it’s a lie – don’t you believe it.
if you’re fine then you’re fine – it’s all how you see it.
oh, there never will be no conspiracy of happiness.

I’m on a high I’m on a high
and there’s nothing more to it
I have the sun, it’s a star
why should I refuse it

and there are so many reasons I could give you why I should be down
there’s not enough money or time and my love you’re not around
around, around

but it’s a lie it’s a lie – don’t you believe it.
if you’re fine then you’re fine – it’s all how you see it.
oh, there never will be no conspiracy of happiness.

you’re alive you’re alive – how else could you hear me?
you are fine, you are fine – there’s nothing worth fearing
’cause there never will be no conspiracy of happiness

I’m on a high, on a high
we are the sea and the sky
I’m on a high, on a high
I’m on a high

It’s a lie, It’s a lie don’t you believe it
‘Cause I’ve tried and I’ve tried, and I can’t really see it
Yeah, I’m trapped inside my conspiracy of happiness
said I was yours, you were mine but I didn’t really mean it
and I lied and I lied
and I wish you hadn’t seen it
’cause I’m trapped inside my conspiracy of happiness
I’m on a high, on a high, there’s nothing more to it, yeah.

——————–

Leave a comment

Filed under Life, Random Thoughts

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s