I haven’t slept for more than two days because my head is crunching too many thoughts. The infernal heat also has a lot to do with my endless turning in bed. Except for that, this day is ordinary.
Ordinary days like this are the ones that eat up so much time. It’s the kind of day that can be summarized as waking up, working, going home and sleeping. Before you know it, half the year is gone because of ordinary days like this. As for me, my routine won’t seem to change even if I have only 130 Days left before a part of me officially departs like the dead.
We had a little fight over my tendency to fool around when she’s saying something serious. The truth is I’m dead serious about this immigration matter, but my tendency to not plan in detail can be taken as inaction or passivity by her and other people. But really, I don’t have to prove myself. I have a plan in place but I can’t set it in motion right now because I am too focused on spending each moment with her. The future is dark for me, and there’s no doubt now that I will walk it, perhaps alone. But at least today, that’s a problem I will fuss about after my 130 Days are over.
All I can think about is our beach trip this coming Friday. All boring ordinary days like this lead to that — one overwhelming moment in front of the great blue sea with my toes dug deep into the soft sand. She turned me into a beach fanatic. Now I love lying on the sand as the gentle waves caress my back and the blue sky attempts to swallow my whole being. Whenever I do that, I have this feeling that the world is so vast and massive that I’m nothing but an insignificant speck of flesh in its epic history. However, instead of feeling powerless, the thought actually gives me a sense of freedom — like as an invisible part of this world, I can actually trace my own journey. Like I’m nothing and something at the same time.
Oh, well, ordinary days like this turn me philosophical. 130 Days to go.