An Entire Mall of Memories

Where others saw endless shops and a sea of stuff to buy, I saw an unwelcome stream of recollections, like vague, semi-transparent scenes from a film I used to know so well.

I was roaming an entire mall of memories.

Maybe it was the night because nights are always cruel. As your metabolism starts to slow down while the moon rises in the dark sky, that same darkness finds its way into your unguarded mind and defenseless heart. It starts digging corpses from graves you’ve tried to consciously forget you dug yourself. The darkness breathes life to the dead.

Not even the lights inside nor the hubbub from shoppers walking hither and thither could shatter that darkness. And perhaps the most excruciating thing was that I kept asking myself, “If this is darkness, if these are such dark memories, then why do they feel so sweet–so colorful?”

I walked a dimly lit path outside the mall, and I saw our shadows on the ground, holding hands, walking… home. Headlights were flashing before my eyes as I crossed the road but I wasn’t traversing it alone like I hoped. It was she and I–staying up late, buying things we shouldn’t be buying because we’d regret it the next day; she and I inside the pancake place, laughing at the stupid piece of expensive, tasteless dough on our plates we both made the mistake of ordering. She and I talking about this and that, what kinds of shoes looked good on women, what kind of affection looked good in public, what types of people our friends were. I saw us everywhere, in every pillar and corner, joking, arguing, laughing and fighting–and it was difficult. I have this feeling it’s getting more difficult by the day.

I put my hands in my pocket, told myself for the umpteenth time I cannot go back without destroying myself. There’s just no going back this time. I kept on walking, reminding myself that it’s just the mall. It’s just the night.

13 Comments

Filed under Life, Love

13 responses to “An Entire Mall of Memories

  1. Favorite – NAIA to Bohol, almost missed the flight because we were too drunk the night before, tapos yung airline representative napatigil “Bakit pula ang mga mata ninyo?” Then sabi ko, “Kagigising lang po namin.” NAKAKATAKOT!!!!! But it was fun. 🙂 Feel free to not approve this comment if it makes you uncomfortable.

    Oh, good times. 🙂

  2. Ako lang sinabihan na mapula mata. Ok lang mata mo nun. =))

    • Pero hindi okay hininga natin, walang toothbrush toothbrush e! Pwahahaha!!! :))

      Tsaka leche talaga yang Pancake House na yan. Yung pinakamura kasi inorder natin kaya siguro walang lasa. Hahahahaha.

      • Sumuka pa ko tsaka jumebs sa eroplano dahil sa hangover hahaha.

        Oo yung pancake na mura makapag-Pancake House lang. Mas masarap pa homemade Maya pancake ni Leke don eh. =))

  3. Tapos andami mo atang suka at tae sa eroplano, nag-barado tapos paglabas natin ng plane, yung suka mo nasa floor lumalabas sa may pintuan ng CR! Hahahahaha

    And speaking of kadiri, naalala ko lang bigla yung nasa elevator tayo nila Sir RJ at Elaine + Kaloy tapos umutot ka. Pero hindi nila narinig kasi kasabay ng dighay mo. Bwahahahaha! Tangina tawa ako ng tawa mag-isa dito hahahahahaha =)))))))))

    • Mali ka naman eh! Nagbara inidoro tsaka kumalat suka sa floor? Walang ganon! Hahaha. Sobrang swabe nga mag-flush ng inidoro don eh kasi may vacuum.

      Tsaka yung sa elevator di ako dumighay nun! Imposible kayang dumighay at umutot ng sabay (may narinig ka nang may ganong feat?) hahaha. Tumatawa tayo lahat nun tapos naisabay yung utot ko tapos tayo lang nakarinig and then nanlaki yung mga mata natin kasi tayo lang may alam. =))

      • Ay hindi ba sumabay sa dighay?! Ang naalala ko sumabay e! Hahahaha pero sige na nga hindi na sumabay.

        Ikaw ang mali! Alalahanin mo mabuti sa plane, nagoverflow suka mo PROMISE!!! Lumalabas sya sa floor! Naalala ko pa ichura nung flight attendant na parang nagaapologize sa mga tao at di alam gagawin. Grrrr alalahanin mo please, this is true story! Haha

  4. Parang naaalala ko na nga na may ganong komosyon. Pero di ko suka yun! Sumuka ko pero konti lang. Baka ibang pasahero yun! =))

  5. For some reason, di ako maka-reply sa message mo sa Frustrashow hahaha. Invalid e-mail address daw. =))

    • Namba-block ka kasi! Haha. Unblock mo na ‘ko, promise di kita a-add para bati pa rin tayo. Haha. Pero keribelles lang kung ayaw mo, dito nalang haha.

      Pero kita mo na yung sa Instagram? Nakaka-heartbroken lalo na sa yosi pic niya, e diba may sakit sa puso yun tapos sabi mo dati parang… nag-quit na ata siya? Wolo long. Affected ako! Sino ba yung babaeng bad influence na yan, haha charotz

      • Pag inunblock kita, mate-tempt akong check profile mo eh wahahaha.

        In fairness, angganda ng gf nya! Eh baka ganon talaga. Mahirap i-quit ang bisyo kahit alam mong nakakamatay sayo. =))

  6. Haynako Ambin! Haha. E nakaprivate naman ang profile ko, wala ka makikita kasi di naman kita a-add as a friend. Haha! Or…unblock mo nalang ako sa YM or kung saan madali magmessage privately na walang profile profile, hehehe. 🙂 Naka-set-up ba gadget mo for iMessage? Libre yon basta may wifi. Parang texting lang. 🙂 Pinipilit ko talaga e noh? Haha. Sige na nga wag na nga lang kung ayaw mo ng YM o iMessage, hehe. 🙂

    Kamukha niya gf niya, actually kamukha ni Una. Baka sila na magkatuluyan! Bakit di ka na affected sa health ni Ely? Dahil winalis yung Pupil CD mo? Hahaha

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