A Perfect Contradiction

I wanna see you happy but I also wanna see you sad.

I want to see you smiling but I also want to see you bawling on your knees with your teeth falling out.

I’m just glad when I see you glad but I’m also glad when I hear you’re mad. Like I’m mad when I hear you’re mad and I’m mad when I see you glad.

Get it?

I’m sure you understand that I’m not meant to be understood. At least not completely.

See, I would want nothing more than for you to be a success but I’d also pay to see your epic failure. Like an old light bulb going out in a glorious explosion that leaves the room in total, eerie darkness.

That’s what I’m really hoping for and I pray every night for it not to happen.

I mean I really wish things work out for you so swell that when you’re finally alone, staring at the glitz of domestication, you’ll feel a cruel emptiness and the realization that all was for naught.

But god I won’t ever want that to happen to you. I’d do anything in my power to stop it.

Because what I am is a man who only wishes what’s best for you and the bloody apocalypse to come crashing down on your head.

And I’m a man who longs for you and can’t wait to forget you every day.

I’m a man who patiently waits for you while looking for someone else to replace you. Still.

I go left while going right, does what’s right even when the results are almost always wrong.

And when they’re wrong I say, “Well, I expected that” wearing a truly shocked expression.

And when they’re right I say, “Finally, we’re off to something new!” with the most cynical, skeptical look possible.

Yes, I’m a contradiction but I’m quite sure of what I’m saying.

And what I’m saying is that I love you and I don’t, which is probably the most honest love of all, if not the greatest.

But you know it’s all bullshit.